...so i touched it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
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whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize