I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
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