Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize