Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
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There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You left your phone here
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