Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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