My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize