I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
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See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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