i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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