He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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