Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize