i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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