i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
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You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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