so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
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It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
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I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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