still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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