like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
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I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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