but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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