He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
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then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
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Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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