Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
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The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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