how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize