I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
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Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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