It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize