I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
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My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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