in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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