I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize