Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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