Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize