I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
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is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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