i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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