I seem to have left my pride at pride
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize