I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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