her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
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Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
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"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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