there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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