OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize