we made out on top of his cat.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
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Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
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how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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