This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
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You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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