i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize