Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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