2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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