am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
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You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
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AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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