I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize