It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
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