im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
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I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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