Please, let me fuck your mom
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize