I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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