sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
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He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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