and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do vagina's smell?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
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