He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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