Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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