I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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