Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
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According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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